I Love to See the Temple

When I drive to work every day, I have the incredible good fortune to see four temples on the way to my office. FOUR temples! On a very clear day, when I drive into Bluffdale, I might be able to see all the way into the city and see the Salt Lake Temple. But every day, I see the Mount Timpanogas Temple, the Draper Temple, the Jordan River Temple and the Oquirrh Mountain Temple.

I see four temples every single day. 

The magnitude of that is rarely lost on me. I grew up in an area where the temple was about an hour and a half away. It didn't seem like a big deal. When I was in Young Women's, we would go on temple trips to do baptisms and it would be an ALL DAY thing but it was always such a wonderful experience. 

When I was first married, Doug and I moved to Logan and we had a temple right there on the hill! It was such a blessing to go and spend a few hours in the temple every month. 

Later in our marriage, we moved to Orem and we were in between two temples, Mount Timpanogas and Provo. Doug and I would try to go once a month and I traded babysitting with a neighbor so I could go on my own once or twice a month. 

I now live so close to FOUR temples and I haven't been able to attend ANY. A few months ago, the privilege to return to the temple to do baptisms was returned to me, but I have not been able to go through a session in 5 years. 

I love the temple. I miss the temple. In August, I get to return to the temple. 

I've been thinking a lot about this as I'm preparing to go. I've been in fierce confrontations with the adversary. At first, he preyed on my self esteem and fed my depression. When I overcame that, he preyed on my physical desires which was a lot more difficult to overcome. He then preyed on my temper, which got the better of me a couple times but I managed to overcome that as well. And now he is preying on my logic. 

Did Joseph Smith really see Heavenly Father and our Savior? Did he really translate the Book of Mormon? Is any of this real? Am I crazy to believe it? Am I a sheep? I'm too liberal for this church. I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. I am not a Stepford Mormon.

I won't get into the specifics of all of my questions and feelings, but I have been bombarded with articles and criticisms and topics I don't agree with. I have my moments when I am ready to walk away and then I drive to work and I see these temples and I remember. I remember seeing my precious Ethan brought into the sealing room when he was five months old and looking at his countenance and KNOWING, without a doubt, that I RECOGNIZED his spirit. He was entrusted to me by a loving Father in Heaven. His spirit existed before he was born and I knew him. And we will exist after this life. I know that. 

I have my moments of pure anger and frustration and then I see the temples and I remember missing my grandfather so terribly the first time I went through the temple. I had wished so much that he could have been there. I heard his voice and felt his spirit as I prepared to enter the Celestial Room. I had the confirmation that families are eternal. He was there with me. I didn't see him but I felt him. Because even though his body is gone, he still exists. 

I have my moments of failure and despair and I see the temples and remember sitting in the sealing room and seeing my reflection in the mirrors going on forever and realizing that I have so much time to correct my mistakes. Failure is momentary. My spirit is eternal. Our church is based on the Atonement. The Gospel is all about redemption and the opportunity to bury and sins, to shed our burdens and take upon us the name of Christ so we can be whole. Why did I give that up in the first place? It doesn't matter because I still have the opportunity to get it back!

This is what redemption looks like!! It's me! 

Being able to return to the temple is what keeps me going. I cannot wait to go back.