Forgiveness Questions

I've been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. I have two friends struggling with cancer right now. One friend who is helping her child fight it and a friend who, after two years of remission, is now fighting again to beat Leukemia. When faced with the fragile nature of life, it's difficult to want to hold onto anger.

After noticing something on Facebook, I wanted to ask my ex-husband why and how he could still be friends with someone who had hurt our son. The incident happened quite some time ago, but my son still brings it up as a point in time when his feelings were hurt. Every time he brings it up, my anger flares... So, I had to consciously stop myself several times today from asking Doug why he still associated with those people. It doesn't matter. Does it?

I read somewhere that if we choose not to forgive, we are basically saying that the Savior's atonement isn't enough for us. We have been commanded to forgive all men ALL things. This is a hard thing to do. I can generally let go of things done to me, but when my kids are hurt, this Incredible Hulk/Mama Bear thing happens to me and I want to inflict bodily harm. But what is that teaching my kids? Hurt people first, then forgive?

The fact is, there are people in the world who are mean and do things to intentionally hurt people for whatever reason. There are also those who don't mean to hurt others. They may be thoughtless or careless, but their intention is never to cause pain. I hope I fall under the latter. I have tried not to set out to be offensive. I have TRIED.

We have to forgive both kinds of people. And we have to forgive them BEFORE we think of revenge, before we retaliate. I have a hard time with that part of it. My temper gets the better of me and then that filter between my brain and my mouth malfunctions. I have had to practice control and restraint. Control I can handle, restraint is totally foreign to me.

So now my thoughts go to the question of.. what do I do after I start the process of forgiveness? I tend to disconnect. Stop talking, stop interacting... for all intents and purposes, I hide. My theory is, fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on me. So to prevent the "fool me twice," I take my leave. I don't do it all the time. With close friends and family, I obviously reconnect eventually. But with others, I put up walls. Is this healthy? Does it still qualify as forgiveness? Should I be trying to work to save a friendship or relationship that has been tainted by betrayal? Am I terrible for thinking that some relationships aren't worth saving?

If those people who are outside of my walls were experiencing something terrible like a terminal illness, would I regret building the walls?

These walls don't just keep out the betrayers... they tend to help me hide from potential relationships as well. Why risk being fooled even once? I think I'm a nice person, I try to be warm and friendly, but letting someone be part of us feels like it's a bigger risk than I want to take.

I've been asked how I would want to be treated if I were the betrayer. I've been the betrayer. I've been the offender. And frankly, I had to accept the consequences of my actions and I felt bitterly sad by both my actions and the consequences. I wouldn't blame the person I offended for keeping me outside their walls. Is that wrong? Should I be trying to rebuild those relationships?

He'll turn everything around for thy good....

Welcome to my new blog! It needed to be done. Gone with the old, in with the new! To commemorate our fresh start, we are retiring our old family blog and beginning anew.

It's the perfect time of year for the new. It's Christmas! It's the time of year to celebrate the birth of a brand new baby boy who was sent to us to save us. Usually, I look at Spring as a time for re-birth but there's something about this season this year that makes me want to celebrate the new.

The past couple Christmases have been hard. We've gone through our mourning and adjustment period and now we're ready to MOVE FORWARD! To do that, I have had to embrace being a single mom. It's not easy. It's really scary! I mean, I'm now the one who has to make sure the doors are locked, that the car gets an oil change, and that the garbage makes it out to the curb. I am now the one who has to tie Ethan's tie for church and talk to him about shaving! (What? SHAVING??) I also don't get to say "wait till your father gets home." I get to be the one who deals with all discipline. Woo-hoo. This single mom thing is so not easy, but there are up sides. For instance, I'm the one who always gets the snuggles. I get to enjoy the best moments my children give me. I don't have to share! And, if I want to have pink sheets, I can! (In truth, my sheets are turquoise, but if I wanted pink sheets, I could have them.) Perhaps this may sound selfish to you, but I get to reap this particular reward of this brand of motherhood.

When I am alone and start to feel the self pity start to creep in, I think of my six amazing children and suddenly I feel just fine. The past two years have sucked. There really is no other way to describe it! But we decided to "Cowboy Up." After all, the Lord has promised He'll turn everything around for our good. Even my horrible mistakes will be to my benefit if I allow His hand to guide us.

Here's to an amazing Christmas! It's going to be a Holly Jolly one!